Saat Phere Qubool Kiye Humne!

Not to sound too boastful, but I had a wedding most would just dream of. No – it was not about how extravagant the decoration was. It was also not that I was adorning a designer outfit with exquisite jewellery. Or that the venue was a luxurious getaway. But when I show pictures of my wedding to anyone, it blows their mind away – and rightfully so.

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THE VENUE! Din’t I say it was a dream come true! Beachside Pheras!
The fact that we are a Hindu-Muslim couple (you do not see many around) was one of the reasons. It was love at first sight, when we first met during our MBA in Indian Institute of Management. Our’s was a destination wedding, but not a typical one that you hear, where your Pammi aunty celebrated her daughter’s wedding in Thailand with an entourage of thousands or Chaddha Uncle threw a lavish ceremony in Canada for his son. Our guest list was of 60 of our closest friends, who packed their bags and became a part of the most wonderful 2 days of our lives that too in Goa!

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Our wedding was featured in many popular blogs and wedding sites – but I thought it made much more sense if I wrote our story, because nobody really knows the entire story.

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The Nikaah ceremony on Day 1, followed by Pheras on Day 2
One of the biggest concerns that my folks had on marrying a Muslim was the fact that they are allowed to get married 4 times. As you will read ahead, you will see that God took care of that concern automatically – we married 4 times. If you are expecting a lot of drama in my story, believe me, I am going to surpass all your expectations (hear hear, Bollywood directors ;))

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Dilwale Dulhaniya Le gaye! Finally
Take 1, Scene 1, Action – Boyfriend and Papa meet for the first time.

It has been 2 years of trying to convince Papa, and as a last resort, we decide it is time. Time to make this test series an action packed 20-20 match. The boyfriend, unannounced rings my doorbell, taking my Papa completely by surprise. My mom turned red, she did not know whether to make ‘chai’ or run inside the room and burst out crying. Papa, very calmly, went inside, changed out of his home clothes into something more formal. I was terrified, but knew that we could not have postponed this further. Then there was a long monologue by my boyfriend – explaining how he will not convert my religion or change my name or make me eat non-veg or make me follow his culture or make me wear a burkha or marry anyone else or whatever other doubts my parents expressed in the last 2 years. He ended by saying he will pamper me as much as my Papa did as he knew that he could not pamper me more! At this point in time, any Bollywood movie would have shown a teary eyed Dad get up from the sofa and hug the hero, but that did not happen in my story. My Dad asked my boyfriend to leave (respectfully so), promising him that he will never ever be part of this marriage or our lives if we decided to live it together. I was crying of course, but not because I had to choose. I had made my choice 2 years back already when I had told my parents. I was crying because I had somehow wished to magically change my Dad’s 50 years of thinking in that one meeting, but we failed. We however realised that it was time to step on the peddle and accelerate our lives out of this everyday emotional drama that had engulfed us all.

Take 1, Scene 2, Action: Wedding 1 – The Ram-Mandir wedding

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Getting married with Ramji’s blessings!
Everything then moved in fast-forward. We decided on a date for our court marriage – 18th Feb 2015. We were to get married by the Special Marriage Act. There even were meetings with Astrologers and Lawyers to convince my mom that A) Our kundalis matched and B) The Special Marriage Act does not allow a Muslim to marry 4 times! We both told our parents the date. My in-laws were ecstatic and immediately booked their tickets from Lucknow to Mumbai. My folks on the other hand refused to be a part of our wedding.

On the 14th of Feb (I remember because we were on a romantic Valentine’s date), I got a phone call from my Mom. Apparently 18th Feb was “Amavasya”, and it was highly inauspicious to get married on Amavasya. And this she tells me 4 days before my wedding. It broke my heart to break her heart, but the marriage was happening, and I knew that it being a New Moon Day will not decide if I was going to be happy with my guy or not.

My Dad does sound like the Amrish Puri of DDLJ, but he is as emotional as the Anupam Kher of DDLJ. He was adamant of not being a part of our wedding, but he agreed to send my Mom and brother to be a part of it! Hurray! But then there was also the Amavasya angle. Everyone decided to get us married a day earlier (17th Feb was Maha Shivratri) in a Mandir. We were ok with that arrangement, anything that gives them a hope that this was meant to work out. So on 17th night, we all dressed up in pretty clothes, bought 2 var-malas and got married in a small Ram-mandir at the foot of the Mahalaxmi temple. We were married – a day earlier than we had initially planned.

Take 1, Scene 3, Action: Wedding 2 – Court Marriage

The day had arrived. Too many people were meeting too many people for the first time. The parents were more nervous than us. What would they say to each other? Salaam Valekum or Namaste? But once they met, it did not matter. They hugged, they laughed and the wedding ceremony was as simple and endearing as it could be. He filled my maang with Sindoor, put mangal sootra around my neck and yes, we were officially and legally married! We missed my father, but knew that time was the biggest healer.

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The maang-filling ceremony – in the court, Yes!
Take 1, Scene 4, Action: Wedding 3 – The Nikaah

The vision was, if nothing conventional has happened in our love-story till now, why end it in a conventional way? Even though we were technically married in court a month before the celebrations, both me and Faiz wanted to celebrate our togetherness with pomp with our closest friends. The aim was to have a budget destination wedding with world class pictures and videos and a hell lot of fun, such that everyone who attended our wedding would think of it as the best wedding of their lives! After a lot of brainstorming we boiled down to 3 functions – 1.Mehandi & Sangeet followed by Nikah (Muslim Style wedding), 2. DJ Night with cake cutting, rings and vows exchange, and 3. Beach side Phere (Hindu style wedding).

The functions were spread over 2 days: on 14th morning we started with Sangeet and Mehendi function, followed by Nikaah Ceremony. The entire setup was based on a Moroccan theme, where we  placed canopies for the girls and diwans for the guys. The dress code was Salwar Kurta/ Anarkali for girls and Kurta pyjama for boys. We had placed hukkas for our guests to accentuate the entire ‘Moroccan’ theme. The cheesy sangeet songs, and many dance performances (including ours on chikni kamar, kisi disco mei jaaye) added colors to the entire function.

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Me ‘sharmaoing’. Thats a first. But then you do feel shy when your husband looks at you that way
Nikaah was a funny story in itself. As a bride, I was looking forward to saying the words ‘Qubool hai’, but the Qazi had methods of his own. My signature was deemed enough of a ‘Razamandi’ and he did not find it necessary for me to say ‘Qubool hai’. I was furious and somehow passed on the message to Faiz on the other side of the ‘Parda’, that he better not mess this one up! And after a lot of persuasion, the Qazi finally agreed and I got to say ‘Qubool Hai’!

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Walking upto him. Couldn’t wait to say those three magical words – ‘Qubool kiya humne’
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That moment – when we finally take each other as husband and wife in the name of Allah!
Everyone soon started preparing for the sundown party which was a masquerade themed party. The entire setup was close to the beach on a cemented platform covered on all sides with palm trees. We setup a ramp for our guests flanked by Balinese flags on either sides. There were huge masquerade cut-outs to bring out the theme. The grand entry was followed by ring exchange ceremony, in which we both gave very emotional speeches, followed by our friends’ not-so-emotional ones. Then there was cake cutting and then we both danced on the number ‘Ishq wala love, faiz wala love’ (yes-intentionally ;)) The dance floor was then open and neither of us remembers how the next 3 hours passed. The next thing I remember is sitting on the beach in my gown at 1 in the night and eating my dinner, while singing retro hindi romantic numbers.

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The DJ was a dream! No one stopped dancing till around 1am! And even after that, we were all singing and dancing on Hindi advertisements – Nima, Rekha, Jaya or Sushma 😉
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Could not resist posting this picture – after all it is not everyday that you dress to kill!
Take 1, Scene 5, Action: Wedding 4 – The Beachside Pheras

Such a happening night was then followed by the most beautiful and much awaited morning of our lives – getting married right on the beach!!

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This was our invitation to our friends! If the wedding was so different, how can the invite be same ol’ same ol’
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Me feeling like a queen!
Post the groom’s ‘dhol-waking-up-routine’ and the entire Sajna-dhajna and dozens of picture clicks later, the groom set out towards the beach with his ‘baraat’ which was him, not on a ghodi, or a baggi, or a car, but a super-cool lambretta! His friends danced to the dhol beats while he drove the lambretta in endless swag.

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The Groom’s dhamakedaar entry!
It was now the my turn to make an entry. Mine was a much graceful affair, with my closest girls holding a flowing dupatta on my head while I slowly made my way to the most beautiful mandap I had seen in my life. After an hour of laughs and jokes and ‘reeti-riwaaz’, we were finally married in all possible ways!

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The bride’s entry with her closest people beside her!
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The Pheras! If you did not notice, I could not contain my happiness
But that was not it. The marriage was followed by some perfect clicks on the beach with all our friends! The lunch that followed was a befitting end to this fairy-tale wedding, where  people not only took back the amazing taste, but special memories as well! The compliments we received and the fun that we had made it all worth  it.

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After marrying me in all possible ways, there is no running away now! You are mine forever 🙂
It has been 2 years since this spectacular time, and by God’s grace, both our families have happily accepted our union. We get to stuff ourselves with ghee-filled aloo parathas at my home or finger-licking sevai at his!

So that’s how my muslim husband got married 4 times, but yes everytime with the same lucky girl 😉

Photo credits: Namit Narlawar, founder Knotty Affairs

Makeup credits: Sukanya Manerikar

Outfit credits: Jigna Koradia Doshi

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48 thoughts on “Saat Phere Qubool Kiye Humne!

  1. Thanks a lot for sharing your story.. I’m also in a same situation which you both were in around 4 years ago.. We have decided to reveal our wish to our families, with a little light of hope that they would accept it. Not sure what happens.. I just wanted to say, keep us in your prayers.. by the way, we are from Bangalore 🙂

    Hope this comment will reach you..

    Liked by 2 people

      1. I did read your story before too but being in the same situation always wanted to kNow the details. So thank you for sharing that here. ☺
        We have been trying for 3 years now to convince our families but ur story gave me hope that some day everything would fall in place.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow! Your story left me teary eyed! Blessed are you to have got married to the love of your life… and that too 4 times! :p 😀 Well, i am in the same situation.. for the past 5 years but now it almost feels impossible to get married because both the families are not ready and accepting this union. But reading stories like this still brings in some hope and makes the day happy! Stay blessed both of you. :))

    Liked by 1 person

    1. If you cant live without him, you cant live without him. There is no one else who can make that decision for you. And your parents cant live without you. When they see you are happy, they will give in. It is your life after all

      Like

  3. Absolutely wonderful! Lovely couple and stunning location for a wedding. Truly enjoyed reading and I wish you both have a very happy life ahead. I hope others take a lesson and support marriages based just on true love

    Liked by 1 person

  4. hello ankita,ds z amber here,m actually smhw related to faiz’s family,i came to knw ds vn i heatd of ur marriage…bt we don knw each oder….i was so very happy to knw abt ur mrg…cz my too z d same case..and u knw hw our community z…hope u have met dem in lknw..i watched both of urs knotty affair video,d very first time namit posted it…stay happy stay blessed..:)

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Hi guys.. somewhat similar experience ! Had to convince my parents.. but as they say if you have an iron will nothing will deter you from your path. And all it took was a homemade spread by my wife when I asked my parents to visit her place and viola ! They melted! As they sat in our house.. when the man is angry the wife should make his favorite food and he’ll melt! Still holds true! God bless you Ankita and Faiz. Always take care of your parents and your loved ones. Dosvidanya!
    – Rudresh

    Liked by 1 person

  6. One of my frind was havin muslim gf. But she was constantly askin him to convert.he was once got ready to do so but later after her parents pressure she rejected him.hindu girls r always progressive n rebellious.
    Wish u very happy married life

    Like

    1. Many muslim girls have written to us that their hindu boy friends have buckled under family since his family is not allowing him to get married to a Muslim. It is not about hindu or muslim, it is about whether you can live without the person you love or not

      Like

  7. I read your story through Scoop Whoop (who got it covered beautifully). I must say, your love story is one of a kind. Your wedding pictures are dreamy and both of you look gorgeous. Love like yours makes me believe in fairytales and a happy ending!
    Wishing you loads of love and happiness for your journey together. Faiz and Ankita, kudos to you two <3<3

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I’ve got to say, this is a lovely story but I just can’t get over the fact how your Dad must’ve felt & how in spite of his feelings you went ahead…Either way, I can’t comment on your decision as I don’t know what love feels like & I’ve got many years in my young years ahead to hopefully explore it…
    I’ll say this – your story is a perfect example of what everyone should strive to be & how religion must not take precedence over humanity. However, I can’t get over the fact how stories such as yours in modern India always occur in a certain away whereby we hardly ever find the gender combination the other way around. This, in my opinion, is what drives the dissent in the general populace & for even people open minded like me.
    What I mean is, someone from mine & your religious background, whether in a moderate or conservative family, are usually brought up in respecting all religions with an open mind and not seeing someone as this first or that last. This is the case with majority Hindus in urban localities. Compare this to the relative mindset on the other side where even the moderate practicers will drill in how it’s a near sin for the girl child to marry from the outside from a young age while the same won’t be as carried out by the boy who’ll usually be free to partake (and even be instructed to try and convert!). Personally, I think that’s an issue which creates massive hypocrisy in the country. How it’s never tit for tat. And I don’t need to mention things like Burka & etc enforced by families (sometimes forcefully) in order to ‘protect’ this from happening. You can see my point even by two comments above of anushri & Ijas – again outling the same gender scenario.
    I’ve seen countless number of Hindu-Muslim female-male stories with or without conversion but never the other way around. And I don’t totally rely on one-sided media but instead look at my near surroundings to confirm this. Your story is a good example of secularism & openness we should strive for, putting humanness before beliefs. And I hope these same values are taught if you guys decide to become parents. Your husband seems like those who doesn’t belong to the types I’ve talked about above – and that is a rare minority.
    After all of this, the point I wanted to make was – amongst the countless stories like yours I’ve seen, maybe you can use your own experience to try and break the ice on the other side too…and speak of empowering muslim women to not be constrained by societal pressures while also speaking against the segregation I’ve talked about above?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for your comment. One of the reasons why I wrote this blog was to inspire people in similar situations to listen to their heart. My Dad was ofcourse very upset and it broke my heart to break his heart. But I knew I had to live away from him, so might as well marry someone I knew for sure I will be happy with! On the fact that you rarely see any muslim female marrying a hindu guy, the numbers are definitely less, but not non-existent. As to whether we would instill these values in our children, ofcourse we will, afterall – been there, done that! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I had my own story but the boy never showed up to my door and we were barely 19 years old back in 1982. But every time I read such real life love stories, my heart aches on one hand and happy or those who accomplished theirs. 😊

        Liked by 1 person

  9. Your story will definitely inspire many including my partner. Our story have issues like countries (India-Nepal), distance, middleman. It must be tough for girl & her family to accept her boyfriend as their in law (They would find issues. “Samaj” wale kya bolenge type). I have forwarded your story to my girlfriend and I am sure she would love it too. Stay together. Stay blessed. Keep inspiring !!!
    Dr. Santosh Jaiswal (Nepal wale 😉)

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Thanks for sharing your story..
    everything is lovely n wonderful.
    I’m also in a same situation from last 8 years which you both were . We have decided to reveal our wish to our families, Not sure what happens in future. remember in prayers.
    I m from Pakistan.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Aapne to Faiz sahab ko faizyaab kar diya.

    Loved it. Hope many more would learn such positive things and start trusting on other religion boy or gal. All kudos to you guys. The Aamavasya part was the best one. Stay blessed n respect each other.

    Cheers,

    Faiz

    Liked by 2 people

  12. Got to read your story online. You guys are really lucky. I hope the same luck goes for others too… May our parents and society get to learn something from you guys. I Wish You luck for your future.

    Like

  13. A beautiful story with a fairytale ending.
    Loved it.
    I think you better write a novel on how you met, fall for each other, decided to be together forever and finally get married….it will be for sure a bestseller.

    Like

  14. This is the most amazing blog i’ve ever read. you both are just full of Awesomeness 🙂 in this era of hate you guys spreading the love ❤ i wish a very happy and Awesome/ lovely/ Beautiful/ wonderful / joyful life for you.

    Like

  15. Hi my name is Abhay I am a maharastrian and my wife is a Muslim name asma bee we just got married in this month with the presence of best friends in a court with spl marriage act and revealed at home after a week… We made just one mistake didnt informed to our parents before doing it .. We both belonged to lower middle class family and carrying the same thinking that parents wont agree now a days I m really tense whether my parents will ever accept us ..as of now we r staying apart frm our family on a rented house … Still wht do u think…?? Pls reply

    Like

  16. Hi
    we had same story and we also did same four type marriage to happy our parents and now going to complete 20 years of happymarriage life with two daughters.and I accept Islam.
    Sab Kuch Sahi oh jata hai.
    Jab Dil se aAP acche oh tho.
    InshaAllah aAP ka bhi sab Kuch jaldi accha oh jayega.
    Saal main 4 baar marriage anniversary celebration.😊

    Like

  17. Hello Ankita,

    This is an inspiring story, I am too in the same situation, my boyfriend is a Muslim and I am a Hindu girl we spoke to their parents and it was said that until a girl is a Muslim you cannot marry her as the marriage wouldn’t be valid, because in quran it says a Muslim boy has to marry Muslim girl to make that marriage valid, so at this point we don’t know what to do, if he doesn’t follow this rule it’s like he is no longer a follower of Islam, At this point I don’t know what to do, please help me with any suggestion

    Like

  18. Hai , I am happy about you ! I am Hindu man and my gf is Muslim !we both love each other so much ! She want to mrry me ! But she want to mrry me accepting of her parents ! She is worried about her parents n me ! I try to explained her but I don’t she is not ready to come with me n worring about her parents ! I am read to mrry her in court ! But ….I feel my life is hard n she said me to talk with her parents ,I am sure there parents never accept me n she know that ! She said me she need time to convence her parents .all the best for u r fucher

    Like

  19. Firstly congrats to both of you and your families too..truly inspirational and proud of you two..this blog has been viewed and commented by many as it shows all the positive side and happy smiling pictures and happily ever after ending (just like Bollywood movies) But I am sure you both must have gone through many difficulties, disapproval from family, friends and society, ups and downs within you until you arrive to this wonderful happy day.
    Secondly, they say “jab tumhare pe guzregi, tabhi jaanoge”.. And that’s why it made me read your blog as I am in the same situation but yet not successful. I have read the good part of the story. I want to know how I can tackle the initial bad phase as I and my Muslim guy are totally clueless how to go ahead. Hoping for a personal reply or help. Thanks and my best wishes to you both and your families 🙂

    Like

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